Pep talking to myself
May. 4th, 2004 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
callie_chan1) But I'm not broken/In my dream I win/And I'll take over/'Cause I'm no loser/ - Cosmic Castaway, by Electrasy
2) I think about your face/And how I fall into your eyes/The outline that I trace/Around the one that I call mine/ - Echo, by Trapt
3) Deep down I know she loves me/But she's got a funny way of showing how she cares/Last night she did a donut on my lawn/And drove off with her finger in the air/ - Every Other Time, by LFO
4) I'm unclean, a libertine/And every time you vent your spleen/I seem to lose the power of speech/You're slipping slowly from my reach/You grow me like an evergreen/You never see the lonely me at all/ - Without You I'm Nothing, by Placebo
5) And how could I/Stand here with you/And not be moved by you/Would you tell me/How could it be/Any better than this/ - Everything, by Lifehouse
6) They called her Princess 'cause they always knew she'd be a servant/Never having an ambition in her life/They all knew she'd end up just another loser's girlfriend/Who'd have thought that she'd become a Jedi Knight/ - Fame, by SR-71
7) I like your pants around your feet/And I like the dirt that's on your knees/And I like the way you still say please while you're looking up at me/You're like my favorite damn disease/ - Figured You Out, by Nickelback, put in here specifically because![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
da_kieki hates it. XD
8) And if you'll tell me how to make you understand/I'm minor in a major kind of way/ - Firefly, by the A-Teens, which refuses to NOT be a Gabe song.
9) Her name is Nona, she's a rocker with a nose ring/She wears a two-way but I'm not quite sure what that means/ - Girl All The Bad Guys Want, by Bowling For Soup
10) Here's a toast/To all those who hear me all too well/Here's to the nights we felt alive/Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry/Here's to goodbye/Tomorrow's gonna come too soon/ - Here's To The Night, by Eve 6
11) I took a walk in the rain one day on the wrong side of the tracks/I stood on the rail 'til I saw that train just to see how my heart would react/Now some people say that you shouldn't tempt Fate, and for them I cannot disagree/But I never learned nothing from playing it safe; I say Fate should not tempt me/ - I Take My Chances, by Mary Chapin Carpenter
12) Venus de Milo in her half-baked shell/Understood the nature of love very well/She said a good love is delicious, you can't get enough too soon/Makes you so crazy you wanna swallow the moon/ - Jupiter, by Jewel
13) There's only room for one/On this microphone/In my finest hour/I'm still alone/ - Non-Toxic, by SR-71
14) Hold your head high/Don't look down/I'm by your side/Won't back down/You wanted a hero tonight/Well I'm not made of steel/But your secret's safe with me/ - Made Of Steel, by Our Lady Peace
15) Is there a trace/Inside her face/Of a lonely miracle/And so you wait/And lie awake/For a lonely miracle/ - Miracle, by Vertical Horizon
16) Hunting you I can smell you alive/Your heart pounding in my head/ - Haunted, by Evanescence, put in here because I think of Vincent every time I hear the bloody song.
17) I wish there was something I could say/To erase each and every page/You've been through/Even though it's not my place to save you/I appreciate but can't accept/This thank you note that's sealed with your last breath/ - My Reply, by the Ataris
18) As he asked if I would come along/I started to realize/That every day he finds just what he's looking for/Like a shooting star, he shines/ - Ordinary Day, by Vanessa Carlton
19) Life is only as good as the memories we make/And I'm taking back what belongs to me/Polaroids of classrooms unattended/These relics of remembrance/Are just like shipwrecks/Only they're gone faster than the smell after it rains/ - So Long Astoria, by the Ataris
20) Locked inside/The only place/Where you feel sheltered/Where you feel safe/You lost yourself/In your search to find/Something else/To hide behind/ - Simon, by Lifehouse
I talked to my cousin on the phone last night. We joked about how ramen is a college student STAPLE, it's a LAW somewhere that we have to eat it--my cousin is still young enough to commiserate with me about that sort of thing, even married with two kids--while my mother rolled her eyes in the background and swore she would never let my dad bring ramen in the house again if I didn't stop eating it. We teased each other a little, said bye, and hung up. The subject of cancer didn't even come up--we were having too much fun.
After talking to her, I realized something(and mentioned it to my mother, too, because she needed to hear it)--that voice, and that person, are way too cheerful and vibrant to be going anywhere anytime soon. My cousin is going to kick this cancer's ass, and I'm going to be cheering her on from the sidelines. Maybe munching popcorn.
My cousin Jodie is an awesome, wonderful person--her karma could probably take on smallpox and win. I'm not much of an optimist, but I'll be damned if I'm not optimistic about this; and I think it's a good attitude to have, too. My mom's pretty much distraught, and I don't really blame her--she watched her sister lose to cancer, which is bound to be traumatic. But from where I'm standing, I figure I'm no use to anybody if I'm miserable and afraid, especially Jodie. So no matter how unrealistic my cavalier attitude towards her cancer is, I'm going to hold onto it--it keeps me happy, and it keeps me useful to everyone else.
I -am- worried about my poor grandmother, though. Nobody's told her yet, because she is absolutely obsessive-compulsive about everything--which includes worrying. And after seeing her daughter fight cancer and lose, my mother and aunt are sure that she's going to take this news in the worst possible way--and it doesn't help that she's gotten a whole bunch of bad news lately(a great aunt of mine having gall bladder surgery--but doing fine, so I don't know why this counts as bad news, but my mom insists it was--another great aunt dying from old age and the complications that come with it, and my mom's cousin's daughter has an eating disorder coupled with depression and is being institutionalized. This last one really freaked me out, since I met the girl once when she was bitty and now I find out she's fifteen and in an INSTITUTION, which is just damned weird to think about). We're all concerned about how she's going to take the news, because we have to tell her eventually.
I wish there was some way I could transfer some of my positive attitude to her. But since I can't, I'll just have to hope for the best.
My mom is suggesting that we get those little pink ribbons. I'm not sure I see the point--I'm pretty sure I've always supported the people who get breast cancer, even if I don't wear an appropriately colored ribbon. And I can certainly support Jodie without one. I'd rather use the money to buy her a stuffed animal she can snuggle during chemo, or just donate it to a cancer foundation straight. And in any case, I hate pink.
Also, guess what my mom showed me last night? A Breast Cancer Guide For Dummies. I mean, shit, I knew they had them for everything, but--they have those for everything, you know?
How on earth did that book get written? I mean, there's only so much research you can do from the outside. Did one of their employees get breast cancer and decide to write a guide on it, or did the higher-ups just fill all the cubicles with microwave ovens and hope for the best? It puzzles me. Don't mind me, I'm in a weird mood.
-Callisto
2) I think about your face/And how I fall into your eyes/The outline that I trace/Around the one that I call mine/ - Echo, by Trapt
3) Deep down I know she loves me/But she's got a funny way of showing how she cares/Last night she did a donut on my lawn/And drove off with her finger in the air/ - Every Other Time, by LFO
4) I'm unclean, a libertine/And every time you vent your spleen/I seem to lose the power of speech/You're slipping slowly from my reach/You grow me like an evergreen/You never see the lonely me at all/ - Without You I'm Nothing, by Placebo
5) And how could I/Stand here with you/And not be moved by you/Would you tell me/How could it be/Any better than this/ - Everything, by Lifehouse
6) They called her Princess 'cause they always knew she'd be a servant/Never having an ambition in her life/They all knew she'd end up just another loser's girlfriend/Who'd have thought that she'd become a Jedi Knight/ - Fame, by SR-71
7) I like your pants around your feet/And I like the dirt that's on your knees/And I like the way you still say please while you're looking up at me/You're like my favorite damn disease/ - Figured You Out, by Nickelback, put in here specifically because
da_kieki hates it. XD8) And if you'll tell me how to make you understand/I'm minor in a major kind of way/ - Firefly, by the A-Teens, which refuses to NOT be a Gabe song.
9) Her name is Nona, she's a rocker with a nose ring/She wears a two-way but I'm not quite sure what that means/ - Girl All The Bad Guys Want, by Bowling For Soup
10) Here's a toast/To all those who hear me all too well/Here's to the nights we felt alive/Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry/Here's to goodbye/Tomorrow's gonna come too soon/ - Here's To The Night, by Eve 6
11) I took a walk in the rain one day on the wrong side of the tracks/I stood on the rail 'til I saw that train just to see how my heart would react/Now some people say that you shouldn't tempt Fate, and for them I cannot disagree/But I never learned nothing from playing it safe; I say Fate should not tempt me/ - I Take My Chances, by Mary Chapin Carpenter
12) Venus de Milo in her half-baked shell/Understood the nature of love very well/She said a good love is delicious, you can't get enough too soon/Makes you so crazy you wanna swallow the moon/ - Jupiter, by Jewel
13) There's only room for one/On this microphone/In my finest hour/I'm still alone/ - Non-Toxic, by SR-71
14) Hold your head high/Don't look down/I'm by your side/Won't back down/You wanted a hero tonight/Well I'm not made of steel/But your secret's safe with me/ - Made Of Steel, by Our Lady Peace
15) Is there a trace/Inside her face/Of a lonely miracle/And so you wait/And lie awake/For a lonely miracle/ - Miracle, by Vertical Horizon
16) Hunting you I can smell you alive/Your heart pounding in my head/ - Haunted, by Evanescence, put in here because I think of Vincent every time I hear the bloody song.
17) I wish there was something I could say/To erase each and every page/You've been through/Even though it's not my place to save you/I appreciate but can't accept/This thank you note that's sealed with your last breath/ - My Reply, by the Ataris
18) As he asked if I would come along/I started to realize/That every day he finds just what he's looking for/Like a shooting star, he shines/ - Ordinary Day, by Vanessa Carlton
19) Life is only as good as the memories we make/And I'm taking back what belongs to me/Polaroids of classrooms unattended/These relics of remembrance/Are just like shipwrecks/Only they're gone faster than the smell after it rains/ - So Long Astoria, by the Ataris
20) Locked inside/The only place/Where you feel sheltered/Where you feel safe/You lost yourself/In your search to find/Something else/To hide behind/ - Simon, by Lifehouse
I talked to my cousin on the phone last night. We joked about how ramen is a college student STAPLE, it's a LAW somewhere that we have to eat it--my cousin is still young enough to commiserate with me about that sort of thing, even married with two kids--while my mother rolled her eyes in the background and swore she would never let my dad bring ramen in the house again if I didn't stop eating it. We teased each other a little, said bye, and hung up. The subject of cancer didn't even come up--we were having too much fun.
After talking to her, I realized something(and mentioned it to my mother, too, because she needed to hear it)--that voice, and that person, are way too cheerful and vibrant to be going anywhere anytime soon. My cousin is going to kick this cancer's ass, and I'm going to be cheering her on from the sidelines. Maybe munching popcorn.
My cousin Jodie is an awesome, wonderful person--her karma could probably take on smallpox and win. I'm not much of an optimist, but I'll be damned if I'm not optimistic about this; and I think it's a good attitude to have, too. My mom's pretty much distraught, and I don't really blame her--she watched her sister lose to cancer, which is bound to be traumatic. But from where I'm standing, I figure I'm no use to anybody if I'm miserable and afraid, especially Jodie. So no matter how unrealistic my cavalier attitude towards her cancer is, I'm going to hold onto it--it keeps me happy, and it keeps me useful to everyone else.
I -am- worried about my poor grandmother, though. Nobody's told her yet, because she is absolutely obsessive-compulsive about everything--which includes worrying. And after seeing her daughter fight cancer and lose, my mother and aunt are sure that she's going to take this news in the worst possible way--and it doesn't help that she's gotten a whole bunch of bad news lately(a great aunt of mine having gall bladder surgery--but doing fine, so I don't know why this counts as bad news, but my mom insists it was--another great aunt dying from old age and the complications that come with it, and my mom's cousin's daughter has an eating disorder coupled with depression and is being institutionalized. This last one really freaked me out, since I met the girl once when she was bitty and now I find out she's fifteen and in an INSTITUTION, which is just damned weird to think about). We're all concerned about how she's going to take the news, because we have to tell her eventually.
I wish there was some way I could transfer some of my positive attitude to her. But since I can't, I'll just have to hope for the best.
My mom is suggesting that we get those little pink ribbons. I'm not sure I see the point--I'm pretty sure I've always supported the people who get breast cancer, even if I don't wear an appropriately colored ribbon. And I can certainly support Jodie without one. I'd rather use the money to buy her a stuffed animal she can snuggle during chemo, or just donate it to a cancer foundation straight. And in any case, I hate pink.
Also, guess what my mom showed me last night? A Breast Cancer Guide For Dummies. I mean, shit, I knew they had them for everything, but--they have those for everything, you know?
How on earth did that book get written? I mean, there's only so much research you can do from the outside. Did one of their employees get breast cancer and decide to write a guide on it, or did the higher-ups just fill all the cubicles with microwave ovens and hope for the best? It puzzles me. Don't mind me, I'm in a weird mood.
-Callisto
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-04 12:59 pm (UTC)Good luck dealing with your grandmother. I'm sorry this is going to cause so much stress on your whole family *hugs*
A Breast Cancer Guide For Dummies.
Ironically, I just saw that book when I was out at lunch time. Weird coincidence. I didn't actually pick it up and read it, so I can't say what was in it.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-04 01:09 pm (UTC)You go, girl! Munch popcorn and cheer loudly. It'll make a bigger difference than most people realize.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-04 02:46 pm (UTC)-Callisto